Whenever I get into a
Now I love my hubsters, I do. But he's exhausting to argue with. And last night he brought up something that while I already knew about myself still made me feel like I did back in fifth grade when the cool kids wouldn't let me sit at the lunch table with them.
I'm not a pretty girl.
I'm not a popular girl.
I'm not the funniest, most eloquent or even the most interesting.
Now I'm usually okay with these facts about myself. I'm middle-aged and have come to accept certain facts about myself and still be relatively happy about who I am as a person.
I'm nice.I'm kind (or at the very least, try to be as much as I can)
I'm smart
I'm like-able but not usually so much that other women want me to be their BFF
I'm a bit shy around new people, but open up greatly around people once I do know you.
I don't make friends easily and only have one that I speak to on a regular basis.
I'm okay in my isolated existence.
I have a husband and two great kids who keep me busy.
But I like my alone time. I'm okay not talking to anyone for hours on end.
Last night my hubs mentioned that he was the only one keeping any of our outside relationships (neighbors/friends) alive. That without him, we wouldn't have any friends.
Now I can't really disagree with this statement.
But it still makes me feel a bit like a freak. That perhaps because I’m not as outgoing as him or that I don't talk incessantly about anything and everything until my ears are bleeding, I'm a bit less than.
So yeah, today, I'm not feeling great about myself. I'm lonely. Yes, in my own freak a deaky way, I'm horribly lonely. Everyone just wants to be noticed, to be appreciated and well... unfortunately for me today, I'm not feeling the love so to speak.
Off to my hidey hole.
* End Note:
Just as I was about to post this, Selena Gomez's song "Who Says" came on. It was like someone up above was thinking about me and sent the song to snap me out of whatever funk I'm in.
So thanks for that. God, or Angels or Dad... thanks.
2 comments:
Hey, girl.
I'm just enjoying going through your blog, in anticipation of reading some of your stories (they sound great, just have to finish a couple of WIP's first!), and saw this post. I so, SO empathize with you! I realize it was posted a few months ago, but I just wanted to say hey, and don't feel alone--there are a lot of us out here who know just how you feel (felt)! I'm the same way. While I'm not anti-social (at least not completely!), I do find myself struggling sometimes to keep up with outside relationships. Luckily, the couple of friends I have don't take it personally when we don't speak on any kind of a regular basis, but I still know that alone feeling sometimes, too. Hope you're feeling better about it now, but when the time comes (and inevitably, it will), remember--you're really not alone. I may be no one to you, but I do commiserate. Have a great weekend.
wow, you are just too sweet. Thanks so much for taking the time to leave me these words. I often feel like this randomly, it's the ebb and flow of my life, you know?
Anyhow, I really appreciate your words and kindness for leaving me a comment. It put a smile on my face & honestly, sometimes that's enough. :-)
Much love to you bbs.
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